age regression, sometimez abbreviated as "agere," iz a kind of mental headspace where one revertz 2 the mannerisms of a child. this can involve talking in a babyish voice, watching kidz' cartoonz, playing with toyz, and using pacifierz or other thingz intended for children
but why? age regression iz usually a coping mechanism, used to cope with negative emotionz, harmful stimuli, or trauma. it can bring a great feeling of comfort and joy to somepony who iz experiencing poor mental health, and can be a great way to heal one'z "inner child."
- a way to cope with stress or mental illness
- an innocent act, usually done entirely alone or with a small number of people
- sometimes a completely involuntary response to negative feelings
- inherently harmful in any way, to any person, including the regressor
- an excuse to get out of obligationz
- an act of attention-seeking
- a kink, or a sexual activity. (this is usually referred to as DDLG or CGL, and should not be conflated with regression.)
in the agere community, regressors often refer to themselvez as "littles," and regression as "littlespace."
in addition to littles, there exists another role in agere dynamicz: the caregiver!
the caregiver iz a person who helpz an age regressor when they're little. this help may either be to accommodate disabilities in their little one, or just to reinforce the headspace that they're in by making them "feel" more little. a caregiver iz often the regressor's romantic partner, but some carers may be completely platonic.
a caregiver might...
- set rulez for their little, such as having a bedtime, not engaging in harmful behaviors, or not cursing.
- help their little with certain complicated tasks, like cooking, cleaning, or even helping their little one get dressed.
- make sure their little iz practicing self-care, getting enough water, and tending to their own hygiene.
- have playtime with their little, or watch their little's shows with them. spending quality time with their little one is often all they need to do to make their little happy!
a caregiver should never...
- engage in any sexual activity with their little while they're in littlespace.
- intentionally ignore or neglect their little as a form of punishment.
- take advantage of their little's vulnerability in any way.
some regressors may find themselves in caregiving roles for other regressors at times. these sorts of people are usually called "flips," because they "flip" between little and carer!
while it'z quite common (and usually considered quite nice) to have a caregiver, it isn't necessary for a regressor to enjoy littlespace! lotz of littlez still manage to thrive on their own, or with regressor friendz (sometimez dubbed "siblings/sibs/sibbies")! a little could have no carer, one caregiver, or multiple carers! it all depends on their needz and what'z available to them.
although littlespace iz often a happy space, there are timez when a little one can struggle. after all, it's typically a coping mechanism!
this is sometimes referred to as "impure regression," though i personally don't like that term, as there's nothing impure about feeling your feelings.
an age regressor can often feel negative emotions carried over from before they slipped into littlespace. for instance, if a little started regressing because of overwhelming stress, then they might continue to feel stressed once in littlespace, before eventually calming down and giving in to the child-like state.
a regressor can start feeling badly afterwards, too! the thing about littlespace is that it leaves a regressor particularly vulnerable. while regression usually achieves coping by making the regressor "too small" to house big emotions, it is still possible for a regressor to become distressed, and perhaps even more so. little things can feel overwhelming, especially in neurodivergent littles. it can be hard to handle.
when a little is sad, you should...
- say comforting things to them. call them all the nicknames that they like. make them feel safe.
- if they're comforted by touch, then give them hugs. hold them tight. wipe their tears.
- help them find their comfort objects. stuffed animals, blankies, pacifiers, and toys can help ground a little one, and shift their mind away from the bad feelings.
- get their caregiver, if they have one. a carer is a comforting presence by nature.
when a little is sad, you should never...
- talk down on them or belittle them.
- invalidate their feelings, no matter how trivial they may seem to you.
- punish them for "acting out."
- take away their comfort items.
first off, remember that they're still a person! try not to make them feel alienated from you, even if you don't want them to regress around you.
it'z ok to have boundaries, and nopony should ever guilt you for not wanting to talk to littles while they're regressed. but try to at least understand why they regress, how they feel, and that they might regress involuntarily, even in your company. give them a moment to step away!
if you do feel comfortable with them regressing around you...
- expect baby-talk and typing quirkz. age regressors often adopt these to feel more comfortable in their littlespace.
- try to speak to them in a softer tone of voice, and avoid cursing or talking about sensitive topics. remember that they're vulnerable when in littlespace; you should be making them as comfortable as possible!
- reassure them that it'z ok 2 regress. littles can be embarrassed about their regression, and have anxious thoughts about being disliked for it. remind them that it'z ok and that they're in a safe space with you!
- overall, just... treat them as you would a child! talk about simple things, get immersed in shared nostalgia, and make them feel like a kid again.
if you're not comfortable with it, then simply remind them that you still love them and it's ok to be different. consider whether you'd be comfortable with them seeking out a platonic caregiver, or a romantic one if you're in a polyamorous relationship.
if you are comfortable, but don't know where to start, then you're already making an awesome first step by researching the subject!
- find more littles like me to get an idea of what to expect!
- find some caregivers online, too, for tips and advice on caring for little ones!
- look for "agere concept" posts on social media- these are short scenarios that often reflect what a little might enjoy in different situations!
- most importantly of all... ask your little what to do! do they want rules and hands-on guidance, or are they more independent? what comforts them? what are their boundaries? what do they seek to gain from sharing this part of them with you? the best resource you have is your partner, so talk openly with them!
- while you're at it, don't forget to have your own boundaries, too. what will you not do? what are you not comfortable with your partner doing? these are conversations you should have as early as possible, because if you can prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings before they happen, then you might just be the best caregiver of them all!
but i'm all out of answers right now!!!
if you want to submit a question OR a suggestion to add on to my page, consider using my contact form at the bottom of my home page! i'll post it to my blog, this page, or both!
thanks for reading, friend! i hope i helped you understand a little more about age regressionx!